Deep Questions To Ask Yourself To Change Your Life Around

You know that famous quote – “An unexamined life is not worth living”? No matter how far along we get in this journey called life, there are always those nagging questions swirling around our minds. Self-reflection questions. Deep, thought-provoking life questions. The kind that make you really examine who you are and where you’re headed.

Asking yourself those tough introspective questions allows you to step back and get your bearings. To see where you’ve been, where you are now, and where you want to go next. How all your past actions and choices have shaped your life up to this point.

It enables you to take stock and evaluate – because let’s be honest, an unexamined life isn’t a very fulfilled one. These self-reflection questions help you unravel your potential, discover your greater purpose, and find some semblance of balance amidst all the chaos.

They serve as a bridge to self-identification, self-examination, self-discovery, and self-clarification. Because life is constantly changing at every turn. And it’s so easy to lose focus, to veer off course during those inevitable transitions and phases if you don’t pause to reorient yourself.

Just a few years ago, my mental state was all out of whack. My life was this tightrope act – the stresses of adulthood, friendships, career, relationships, it was all extremely overwhelming. I had to take a giant step back from that confusing mess and really turn the introspection lights on bright.

I realized my roots were all tangled up in self-betrayal and unclear beliefs. I wasn’t giving enough back to myself after pouring so much into others. Always seeking external validation instead of appreciating my own authenticity. Dimming my own light to bask in the warmth of others’.

It wasn’t until I started consistently self-checking and asking myself the really tough questions – the ones that sparked true introspection – that I made any actual progress toward a happier life.

When you create that space for positivity within yourself, you naturally attract more positive vibes. So ask yourself questions designed to strengthen your positive mindset, and you’ll grow.

Set out your inner microscope and let’s uncover what you need to rediscover about yourself. These self-reflection questions are meant to tend to that inner voice and help guide you through the struggles of survival and truly living. They can be incredibly empowering when used as journal prompts.

1.  What Phase Are You In Currently?

So let’s take a step back and look at what phase of life you’re in currently. Every phase teaches us something if we’re open to the lessons. So ask yourself – what is this particular phase trying to teach me?

Are you learning what you need to carry you into the next chapter? Or is this a season of unlearning some old habits/mindsets that no longer serve you?

Think about what has brought you the most joy lately, but also the biggest challenges. How have those highs and lows shaped you as a person?

This vital self-evaluation is so important because life is just a constant cycle of experiences and phases. Each one layered with its own lessons if we pause to digest them.

As we go through the motions of life – wilting, falling, rerooting, rising, blooming – there are always nuggets of wisdom tucked between each transition if we stay present.

Our experiences are the catalysts for our personal growth. They keep us grounded while preparing us for the longer journey ahead. Maybe you’re in one of those invisible limbo phases where everything feels like it’s crumbling temporarily.

But remember – when reality seems to be unraveling and your dreams look hopelessly out of reach through that glass of limitation…when everything shatters around you, that rock bottom is actually the perfect solid foundation to rebuild from!

Every scar and struggle is really a badge of honor. Each misstep is simply a victory dance waiting to happen once you shift perspective. As my friend Titilope Sonuga says:

“Learning the complicated language of survival – letting go and holding on – your experiences are bricks to layer up and gain traction on your path.”

The universe is always instilling lessons in us, preparing us for the next season. That’s why this self-evaluation is so key – I consistently ask myself “What is this current situation teaching me, either negatively or positively? How can I take that knowledge as fuel for uplifting change going forward?”

Sometimes I literally yell it out or cry while venting the answers. Life’s rough edges and twists can be so challenging. But the ability to learn from those failed routes is what allows you to navigate better next time.

So darling, when you lose momentum, shove your feet in and ask “What is this phase teaching me?” The revelation may be clouded at first, but it always comes to light eventually – either in that moment or later once you’ve moved on.

I actually keep a draft on my phone where I outline every lesson I’ve learned from particularly dark phases. I see them as badges of wisdom earned through the fight of survival. And when things get rosy, I go back and read them out loud as affirmations.

Let me know if you try this exercise! Seeing the relevance of even the tightest phases is so motivating for moving forward with purpose. I share some of my drafting templates over on Instagram too if you want to follow along for those free detoxing prompts.

2.  What Are You Holding On To That Is Limiting You?

Let’s do a little self-reflection here. What toxic thought patterns or behaviors are you giving space to in your life right now?

Don’t answer too quickly though. Really take a trip down memory lane and think it through. In our journey to just survive, it’s so easy to subconsciously pick up negative traits and limiting beliefs along the way – through connections we make, ones we lose, etc.

Life is always changing and transitioning, which requires constant adaptation and growth. But that adjustment is rarely easy. A few months ago, like I mentioned, my mental state was a total tightrope act. I was chasing all the wrong purposes, limiting myself, fueling self-doubt.

I constantly belittled my accomplishments, no matter how small. I muted my authentic voice and intuition. Compromised my beliefs. Always prioritized others over myself.

By the end of that phase, I was completely drained – externally and internally. I couldn’t see that each challenge was actually an empowering step toward greater strength.

Instead of anger or regrets though, I started letting go of the mistakes. Giving myself permission to learn how to truly stand up for myself. To shine unapologetically. To honor my beliefs. Prioritize self-care.

So let’s turn that tough question back on you: What positive thoughts about yourself can you choose to focus on instead of the negative toxic ones? It’s a hard habit to break, but reprogramming your self-talk is so powerful.

3.  Have You Cared And Nourished Yourself?

Now let’s talk about self-compassion. How can you create more space in your life to simply exist and just be? Without the constant struggle or striving.

Are you actually taking care of your own needs and desires? Or are you a people-pleaser who says yes when you should say no?

How can you show yourself a little more love and care today? Be honest – are you truly prioritizing self-care practices enough?

Society loves preaching about finding balance and being successful. But they don’t teach us how to maintain our mental and physical well-being through it all.

As we navigate this turbulent journey of life, setting boundaries, and just trying to survive – we have to be intentional about tending to ourselves. And that self-nurturing can look like:

• Carving out dedicated me-time without guilt
• Finding little pockets of peace to soak your soul
• Letting go of past limitations holding you back
• Indulging in productive routines that energize you
• Boldly declaring your worth out loud
• Choosing yourself over others sometimes
• Treating yourself with the respect you deserve
• Setting and firmly maintaining healthy boundaries
• Uprooting negativity to make space for positivity

Tending to yourself is an ongoing commitment of small self-nurturing acts. It’s essential to regularly ask yourself those tough self-check-in questions:

Am I coping mentally and emotionally? Where am I neglecting my needs? How can I nurture myself more today?

We all need that self-compassion. Making your own well-being a priority allows you to show up better for the rest of the world too. So don’t hesitate to put yourself first sometimes.

4.  Are You Embracing And Accepting Changes Or Life Transition?

This is such an empowering question that really put things into perspective for me – are you truly embracing and accepting the changes or transitions unfolding in your life right now?

I’ll be honest, accepting change has always been super daunting and difficult for me. Even positive changes bring in so much to adapt to – the need to learn new things, unlearn old patterns, let go of what’s familiar, take on greater responsibilities as reality shifts. It can feel scary. But the ability to flow with that change is what allows you to actually enjoy the adventure of living.

It’s a question I have to continually ask myself – where am I resisting or failing to accept the changing tides? We all have those blindspots we miss.

Life itself is rarely blissful 24/7. It’s messy and challenging, constantly evolving.

The changes could be with your finances – having a new income level to adjust to can be overwhelming as you rework your budget. Whatever it is, we have to stay open and ready for the adventure each transition brings.

The truth is, we’re all kind of playing things by ear in this crazy life. We might have an idea of the destination, but can’t actually see the full picture until we arrive. So we hope for the best while life keeps throwing its strategic checks and pivots our way.

The key is maintaining that mindset of embracing whatever change comes next, with minimal resistance. Appreciate that every twist is an opportunity for growth, even if it’s uncomfortable initially. Are you currently flowing with the transitions before you or digging in your heels? It’s a tough but vital question to keep asking yourself.

5.  What Mindsets Are You Pursuing?

When those negative, self-limiting thoughts start creeping in, it’s so important to pause and question where they’re really coming from. A lot of times, those toxic thought patterns didn’t even originate from us – we just absorbed them from others or our environment over time.

So when you catch yourself thinking something unkind about yourself, take a step back and ask:

• Where is this thought really coming from?
• Is it my own voice or someone else’s I’ve internalized?
• What unconscious belief is attached to this thought?
• How long have I even had this belief?
• Where did this belief come from originally?
• Has it served its purpose or is it time to let it go?

Our minds can be so powerful, but also so vulnerable to harboring negative scripts we didn’t consciously choose. Developing a positive mindset is incredibly beneficial for your overall mental and physical well-being.

There was a time I had no clue what a positive mindset even meant. I constantly let assumptions, fears, insecurities, and limitations run the show. I was too afraid to take risks or chances because those negative thought patterns had taken over.

It was really difficult, but I learned to catch those unhelpful thoughts and refuse to indulge them or let them push me around anymore. I still struggle with negativity creeping in sometimes, but now I have practices to reframe those thoughts into something more positive and empowering.

Sometimes we just need to regularly question our inner narratives. Our minds are the control center running our entire experience of reality. Instead of worrying about what I can’t control, I shifted my energy toward what I can intentionally create and the mindset I bring to any situation.

It’s a constant practice of learning, unlearning, and choosing empowering thoughts over limiting ones. And you can begin that work toward positivity any time. To stay on track, keep asking yourself:

• What kind of thoughts am I nurturing right now?
• What mental direction am I heading based on my current mindset?
• Is this line of thinking progressive or keeping me stuck?
• How can I flex my mindset muscles and take back control of my thoughts?
• What positive things can I choose to focus on and be grateful for presently?
• What limiting beliefs or thoughts do I need to consciously release?
• How am I intentionally conditioning my mind for my highest good?

6.  What Do You Want To Add And What Do You Want To Release?

Phew, this is a really deep, powerful question to ask yourself: Am I truly ready to heal or release this particular hurt/pattern/belief?

I know when you’re just trying to survive, it’s so easy to cling to all sorts of coping mechanisms or narratives that ultimately hold you back from thriving. Could be staying in a toxic relationship hoping against hope the person will change. Letting family members stomp your boundaries because you don’t want to seem rude or selfish. Seeking external validation to feel worthy. Sabotaging yourself based on past mistakes and traumas. Using the past as an excuse to keep walls up.

A lot of us have learned these protective survival tactics and they served an important purpose when we were struggling. But often we continue gripping them long after we’ve outgrown the need for those particular tools. By honoring the role they once played in keeping us safe, we can thank ourselves…and then start consciously unlearning and letting go of what no longer supports our growth.

As Lisa Oliver says, “Don’t cling so tightly to your hurt that you don’t make room for your healing.” She offers some great tips for tolerating difficult emotions and releasing negativity:

• Practice mindfulness
• Use breathwork and physical movement
• Implement a self-compassion mantra
• Go for a 5-minute brisk walk or do jumping jacks
• Change your physical environment
• Ask yourself what you need to add or subtract
• Remind yourself when you feel safe now
• Create a personalized plan to reference

And when self-doubt inevitably creeps in, she suggests:

• Ask yourself what you might be needing in that moment
• Remind yourself that feelings aren’t facts
• Give yourself space to feel it, get curious about it, and choose your response

Over these past few months, I’ve been working on a routine of consciously releasing the toxic energy, fears, limiting beliefs, and self-betrayal I’ve absorbed from tough experiences and dark phases.

I’m actually creating a release tool to help gain perspective, let go of fears, eliminate self-sabotage, and make space for unapologetic positivity.

Because here’s the truth – growth can be so challenging. It requires constant unlearning and letting go of what doesn’t serve you anymore so you can make space for what truly nurtures you. But it’s a profound journey worth taking.

7.  What Am I Grateful For Right Now?

Let’s take a moment to reflect on the blessings in your life that others may not be so fortunate to have. What relationships are you truly thankful for? Those bonds are so precious.

And how about flipping the script – can you find gratitude even for the challenges and changes you’ve experienced? The struggles that helped you gain insight and grow? We tend to resist difficulties in the moment, but looking back, there’s often profound wisdom gained.

Speaking of insight, what new perspectives or mindset shifts are you grateful for now? Maybe you have a deeper appreciation for the simple things after going through a hard time.

Get specific – what tangible parts of your life do you deeply appreciate today and why? How can you extend more gratitude for the opportunities you have? We all take certain privileges for granted sometimes without realizing it.

Make an effort to actively say “thank you” more, whether to others or just silently to the universe. That energy of appreciation attracts more reasons to be grateful.

No matter your circumstances, there’s always something positive to latch onto if you choose to see it. Consciously practicing gratitude helps you experience more joy. It allows the light to outshine the dark. Even on the toughest days, what little nuggets of thankfulness can you dig up?

Gratitude is a skill to build daily, like a muscle. It’s easy to get distracted by what we lack. But making space to appreciate what you do have creates room for even more abundance and fulfillment to flow in. An attitude of gratitude is so powerful.

8.  What Am I Afraid Of? How Can I Work On These Fears

For way too long, I let fear completely paralyze me. It seemed to magnify every limitation and challenge into something utterly insurmountable.

Fear caused me to freeze up and withdraw rather than courageously facing things head-on. It took me a long time to understand that fear isn’t something that’s actually designed to limit you – it’s fuel propelling you in the direction you need to go.

I remember that light-bulb moment when I realized fear is just a label, an experience I have total control over. Once you truly know and understand something, you break its perceived power over you.

Our fears are really just persistent negative thought patterns that we continually feed and validate, allowing them to dominate our minds. But until we consciously choose to overpower those fear-based thoughts with positivity, we stay trapped, unable to grow beyond our self-imposed limitations.

So let’s flip that tough question back around: What fear are you giving so much power that it’s actively causing you pain and holding you back from your desires? What’s the worst that could realistically happen if you faced that fear head-on?

Shining a light on our fears is the first step to dispersing them. Because most of the time, that fear was never as monstrous as we convinced ourselves. It was really just a psychological hurdle to overcome by training our minds for courage over panic.

You’ve got this. You can confront whatever fear has been obstructing your path. Don’t let it bully you any longer. Dismantle it, and keep moving forward with more freedom.

9.  What Is The Meaning Of Life? What Is My Purpose?

Ever felt lost or unsure about what you’re doing with your life? Especially when things are changing, it’s important to ask yourself, “What’s my purpose?”

I’ve been there, and that’s why I wrote a guide on surprising ways to find your purpose. It’ll help you create the life you want.

A lot of people hit their 30s or 40s and realize they’re not where they wanted to be. If that’s you, don’t worry! I’ve shared the steps I took to turn my life around, and they can work for you too.

I’ve even made a tool to help you figure out what your purpose is and what you’re truly worth.

10.  How Do I Set Goals And What Goals Should I Set?

To reach your dreams, you need to constantly check in with yourself and ask:

• What can I change to get closer to my goal?
• Am I headed in the right direction?
• Are my choices making me happy?

Setting goals is like having a roadmap. It helps you see what you’ve done and what you still need to do. People who don’t set goals often don’t reach their full potential.

I’ve learned a lot about setting goals, and my life is better because of it. In my blog, I share tips on how to set goals and even have a goal planner to help you crush those goals!

But it’s not just about goals. It’s also about knowing yourself. When you understand yourself better, you make better choices and life gets easier.