it’s my first time too.

I often think about how the changes we go through are the start of so many firsts. Do you remember your first steps?

Probably not.

You likely struggled, fell countless times, but eventually, you walked steadily. It was a big deal for your parents and family, maybe even for people who just love seeing babies learn to walk.

What about your first perfect score in school?

Was it tough?

Did you fail a few times before you got there?

Did it hurt when you didn’t succeed right away?

I think those early failures and disappointments shape us. They leave their mark, but in a way that makes us stronger.

It’s your first time failing, succeeding, crying, laughing, feeling deeply… and then it hits you. Most of these firsts are memorable for everyone else, but not always for you. Half your life was filled with firsts that are now just memories.

Do you remember the first time you really cried?

Not as a baby in your mom’s arms, but the time you were on your knees, struggling to breathe, feeling like it was the end of the world? That’s a first many of us remember, a first that’s hard to forget and even harder to move past.

But I’ve realized that my firsts can fade, for everyone else but me.

I know it’s my first time being 23, my first time teaching and learning from what I love, and my first time being able to give back to the people who matter most to me.

They’re in every word I write, even if those words aren’t addressed to anyone in particular. It’s a promise to always be there, never forgotten.

I forgot that even as an adult, people can still let you down.

They don’t always understand that you haven’t lived this life before, that these situations and challenges are new to you.

It leaves me wondering, have I lived this life before?

This passion, these people, did I know them in some other reality?

Do I deserve the hurt I feel from the hate I encounter?

Do my firsts no longer matter?

Why can I empathize with others experiencing their own firsts, yet I can’t find that same compassion for myself?

This is all new for me too.

It’s my first time being an adult, dealing with new responsibilities, and figuring out how to navigate the world. It’s my first time teaching and discovering why I love it, and why it sometimes frustrates me.

This is all new territory, and I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I lack. I’m still learning from those with more experience.

This is my first time, and I deserve a life just as meaningful and kind as anyone else.